What do you do if you can't stay in your relationship any longer?

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If the pandemic, the pressures of three lockdowns and the Tiered system with its restrictions we all now live under have meant issues in your relationship have come to a head and you no longer see a way for you to stay together, what do you do?

Firstly, if there are children involved in your relationship, you must make sure that if your relationship with your partner is not playing out in front of the children, especially young children. If children are caught in the middle of warring parents, it can have long lasting emotional effects.

Where possible, our advice is for people to separate as amicably as you can. This helps keeps much of the emotion out of discussions and decision making and means things are not thrown out in the heat of the moment only to be regretted at a later stage. Focusing on how you can both move forward is key.

Is one of you going to move out of the property you live in? Think how this will impact on your finances in the short term and if children are involved, will they be able to visit/stay at both homes? If children are involved their needs are the paramount consideration and any decisions taken should be child focused.

How will the family schedule change? Will you need to look to pick up on some of the organisation and transportation of children to and from school and activities, is there a pet involved which one or both of you will need to be responsible for?

If you are facing the end of your marriage or civil partnership it is really important not to overlook pensions. Getting divorced can be emotional and stressful and looking at the assets including pensions can seem daunting. Speak to your divorce solicitor about your financial position and don’t overlook pensions just because they can seem complicated.

The Pensions Advisory Guide is designed to help people who are separating work out what to do re pensions and divorce, what the law says on pension sharing or splitting and how to come to an agreement. It also sets out what other help is available to help you plan for the future.

Would you be open to Collaborative Family Law? Both options have a central focus on dealing with matters as amicably as possible and focusing on your needs moving forward. Mediation is an informal, but structured settlement process where you explore the options open to you with the assistance of the Mediator who is impartial and who will help you reach agreement. Collaborative law is slightly different in that both parties and respective legal representatives agree at the outset to attempt to reach agreement without the use of court working together to resolve any family and financial issues that arise from the separation.

Whilst you will speak to family and friends about what is happening and how you feel, try not to get them entrenched in your emotions and feelings about it. Let them be a voice of reason and remember that family members are still connected to your partner and any children and keeping things civil will really benefit everyone’s relationship in the future.

Get advice that is relevant for your circumstances. Understand the stages of separation and what happens when you move to the divorce process. Explore the timeline and costs and seek trusted advice from a solicitor who will look to give you a ‘good divorce’.

As best you can, communicate constructively with your partner. Don’t get drawn into arguments or squabbles. The immediate emotions of separating can make a volatile time, so giving space and not engaging in negative activity will help in the long run.

Don’t fight fire with fire. Your partner may not understand why you want to part ways so don’t assume by just telling them they will accept it. If arguments come about, try to avoid the conflict as mudslinging won’t get either of you anywhere. If there is another person involved or you quickly meet a new partner, try not to use this in discussions while you are separated. Obviously discussions will have to take place between the two of you if there is a new partner and they stay or live with you and you and your ex-partner have children as you both need to agree boundaries on what does and does not happen when you both have your children.

At an emotionally stressful time, you need support and effective legal advice. We welcome you to book an initial telephone appointment with us to discuss the early stages of the divorce process and how we can work together to achieve a successful outcome for both individuals. We are working remotely during the lockdown and pandemic but rest assured all client appointments can be done via the telephone or video conference link.

Being able to speak openly and honestly, our divorce law solicitors in Malton, Pickering, York and Selby, will give you the opportunity to ask any questions or concerns you may have during the process. Some divorce cases can be handled quickly and easily, whereas others require a longer period where children and financial assets are to be carefully handled.

Our motto of “specialist legal advice when you need it” applies to all our departments but going through a divorce can require the expertise of a solicitor on a regular basis whilst plans are put in place. We are here when you need us, if you need us, and our family law experts will help you reach a settlement appropriate for your family.

As a leading family law firm in North Yorkshire, we offer a transparent fixed fee divorce cost service to make that first step even easier.